Who Am I? Practice of self-inquiry

When you ask yourself “Who am I?”, a lot of data will probably flow into your mind. You were born in this place. You are a father, son, grandson of so-and-so. You are a man or a woman. You are this age, this skin colour, this religion, this sexual orientation. This is your occupation, and that, your inherent disposition. This is where you live. You like this. You don't like that. You're good at doing this. You're poor at doing that. And so on. But do these answers really describe you?

The Hindu guru Ramana Maharshi proposed a practice that gives this question a different spin. With its simplicity, it revolutionized the Hindu mystical thought of Advaita Vedanta and made it accessible to broader audiences. Thanks to Ramana, the practice came from the East to the West.

Self-inquiry (from Sanskrit atma vichara), which is the core of Maharshi's teaching, is about investigating our true nature – discovering who we really are. At first, the question seems intellectual, but soon it checkmates the mind that thinks it needs to work hard, while its real job is mainly to be quiet and get off the way. That which is finite can't understand the infinite. The after can't grasp the before. Why? Because before, the after doesn’t exist.

Yes, the mind will try to help in the self-inquiry. It’ll offer a number of strategies and supportive concepts. It’ll suggest a range of ways to interpret or avoid the essence. It will strive – until it vanishes. It's good for you to be aware of this from the beginning because you’ll almost certainly go through this process.

Unlike acquiring knowledge, which is based on memory and imagination, self-inquiry involves direct confrontation. It’s different from the usual learning. When you seem to understand something – you seem to gain something – you can be sure that you are still moving within the realm of mind. Because knowing yourself is beyond phenomenal cognition: the Self is not a phenomenon, not an object.

The mind may go on to offer more subtle images, states, or conclusions. But it will never go beyond its imagination or projection. In contrast to intellectual or imagination-based knowledge, the Self is known intuitively, in the absence of mind. Knowing the Self is not about learning anything new because only an object – a passing phenomenon – can be new.

Self-inquiry is simple. It's so simple that you can easily overlook or over-analyse the finding. It doesn't require mental effort, training, or a particular meditative posture.

It's about confronting every thought with the question, "Who is seeing the thought?"

Start off now. When a thought comes, ask yourself, "Who is having it?"

And don't jump to conclusions.

You will probably get the answer, "I saw it. The thought appeared to me.”

Ask another question, "Who is experiencing this answer, the "I saw it”? Put differently, where did this question come from? To whom did it arise?

This question turns your attention backwards. A U-turn away from the object (the thought) and towards the place where it originated.

Now, stop for a moment. Don’t rush. I’ll ask you once again, “Who is having this thought?”

If it is you, who or what is this you?

Look and see. Try to find the “you” to whom this thought and almost all thoughts refer to.

You may feel puzzled, annoyed, or surprised. That's good because this question doesn't have the answer you expect. Don't try to answer it with your mind or you will miss the point.

Check if you can locate the source of the “I” thought. Can you find the thinker?

You can't point at anything because any answer – an object or image you might call yourself – will be perceived. If you see this object – a thought, state, phenomenon – then you can't be it.

Like most people, you probably have believed that there is something called “I” inside you. If that were true, you should be able to find this “I”. But are you?

Your mind may be stunned. Or it may try to complicate this simple inquiry. Yet there is nothing complicated about this probing into the origin of thoughts. Most of the time, the mind distracts itself and avoids confrontation. Don't be discouraged: almost all the people I meet experience the same. Impatience, anger, criticism, or boredom may show up as avoiding mechanisms.

If you feel lost, go back to the beginning. Read it carefully one more time.

The I thought is the root of all thoughts. All pronouns like you, he, she, we, they derive from this primal thought. We give meanings and more meanings to those pronouns. We believe that, besides indicating or relating in space and time, each of them has an independent owner.

But who do all thoughts happen to? You, the primal ”I” which we’ve just confronted and found not to exist?

Thoughts happen within Awareness (thanks to it, you actually know about them!). But the mind comes up with the idea that thoughts are yours and you start to believe that. You started to believe this idea a long time ago, when you were a child. You began to refer to the non-existent ‟yourself”. You’ve acted as if you were the author and doer of all experiences and thoughts. But thoughts don’t have an owner or author. The author of thoughts is also a thought.

Whose thought?

Be prepared: the mind won't give up easily.

Ramana Maharshi jokes about this mind game. He says that trying to get rid of the ego (the mind) through some practices other than self-inquiry is like the thief (the mind) dressing up as a policeman to catch the thief that he is himself.

If you practice self-inquiry (atma vichara) you'll see that thoughts are only concepts. Once you realize that no reality corresponds to the primal I thought, other thoughts that derive from it – those referring to ‟you” or ‟others” – will similarly fade away. Actually, for the first time in your life, you'll see things in true light!

If you reach for ancient scripts to help you explore “Who am I?”, once again you’ll miss the point. You’ll escape the simplicity of the test. The only difficulty is that something in us won't allow this simplicity. Something in us wants to be a self – with his or her story, dream, suffering. This tendency can persist for years, yet you can stop it even now.

When you start inquiring ‟Who am I?” you won't be able to find any entity proclaiming itself as ‟I”. Wherever you turn, you are always first, before the experience. Whatever you hear will always be an interpretation by your conditioned mind.

The “I” that you think you are is just a thought. The person you think you are is just a thought-form in your head. It has no independent existence. It is a blend of ideas that you unconsciously replicate and believe in.

Yes, Awareness and experience are present, but they are not yours. The sense of being you or yourself is also an experience.

Once you discover this you'll feel at ease. If your mind is telling you that you don't really understand, refuse to listen. There's nothing special to be understood. And don't look for any specific experience that would confirm your knowing.

When you identify with thoughts or emotions, you affirm believing that you are an object. Because any thought, feeling, or experience is an object seen. Can that be you? You perceive it, right? It comes and goes. Even the concept of who you are has changed many times in your lifetime.

When the primal I thought – the source of all confusion – drops, side thoughts will also drop. Put your attention to it, and the rest will follow.

I can see an object but I am not an object. Who am I then?

Find it on your own, with no bias or external suggestions.

You are not an object because objects are always the perceived, not the perceiver. You can't locate yourself because the location of any point on the map is happening within you. The poet Rumi wrote: “I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door. It opens. I've been knocking from the inside.”

This is not a new discovery. But there’s an intuitive sense of emptiness in the finding. Lightness, joy and peace come along. You are more than what you see or experience. Just recognize that.

The I which asked the "Who am I?" question, disappears because there’s nobody to ask it to.

You are the answer. Not you as a person, but the eternal you.

All mental effort stops. Nobody holding on to the answer or trying to possess it. You enjoy eternal peace. The search stops.

You can't even remember anything because it takes a mind to remember.

Now back to Ramana's tricky question, "Who am I?" It's just a question, a tip, a pointing finger. Don't try to overthink it because that's the way the mind will try to regain control.

Mooji often says, "Don't ask me a curiosity question. Ask me a freedom question."

Ramana’s question, "Who am I?" is of that kind. Curiosity isn’t enough. Ask this question and be ready to give yourself entirely to it. Be even ready to die.